Thank you. I’ve spent the last 11 months beating myself up for choices I made in 2022-23, choices that I’ve believed had a huge impact on what I can do now. I can see, on some level, what caused me to eschew a few opportunities that could’ve made my today easier, but there’s no way of knowing how that would’ve changed the choices that ca…
Thank you. I’ve spent the last 11 months beating myself up for choices I made in 2022-23, choices that I’ve believed had a huge impact on what I can do now. I can see, on some level, what caused me to eschew a few opportunities that could’ve made my today easier, but there’s no way of knowing how that would’ve changed the choices that came later. Really, all I can do is make a new choice. And, that choice involves being kinder to myself. (That was my resolution for 2024, by the way, while my … theme, I’d guess you’d call it, was silence. Both have been more challenging than I expected.) I had a couple goals for 2024, both involving small steps. B/c I’ve been on this path, before, I could see that. But I lacked confidence and motivation to carry them out because I felt that I’d failed. What was the point, pessimism complained, if I couldn’t carry through on the simplest tasks, even those that seemed to be the clearest way forward?
It didn’t help that I was grieving the deaths of friends and a step-parent (and subsequent loss of family and community) that weren’t the source of support they’d once been.
At least, all that is what I told myself. In the past 24 hours, however, I’ve reminded myself of all I learned, this year. I still hope to publish my book and release the music, but I’m not sure how I’ll pay for all the legal and logistical steps on the way. I need a way to pay for it all, and I’ve felt stuck on that aspect.
Perhaps, my small step involves letting go of the judgment and embracing whatever Life or God has in store for me. A part of me wants to just chuck it all and start fresh. Another truly wants to see this through. I don’t want to miss out on what’s on the other side of the bend because I was too busy looking at last year’s map to look up and see the detour.
Heck, maybe THIS is the detour.
Either way, I keep praying and opening myself to the next big step. And that involves sending this comment so I can go do my yoga. Doing all I can to make it in time to a burning bowl ceremony (for releasing what no longer serves). Wrapping up my exit from an online platform where I’ve composed and sold my music so I can have more control over how I create and sell what I create.
My apologies for my rambling reply. I haven’t meditated yet. Thanks again for posting! S
Thank you. I’ve spent the last 11 months beating myself up for choices I made in 2022-23, choices that I’ve believed had a huge impact on what I can do now. I can see, on some level, what caused me to eschew a few opportunities that could’ve made my today easier, but there’s no way of knowing how that would’ve changed the choices that came later. Really, all I can do is make a new choice. And, that choice involves being kinder to myself. (That was my resolution for 2024, by the way, while my … theme, I’d guess you’d call it, was silence. Both have been more challenging than I expected.) I had a couple goals for 2024, both involving small steps. B/c I’ve been on this path, before, I could see that. But I lacked confidence and motivation to carry them out because I felt that I’d failed. What was the point, pessimism complained, if I couldn’t carry through on the simplest tasks, even those that seemed to be the clearest way forward?
It didn’t help that I was grieving the deaths of friends and a step-parent (and subsequent loss of family and community) that weren’t the source of support they’d once been.
At least, all that is what I told myself. In the past 24 hours, however, I’ve reminded myself of all I learned, this year. I still hope to publish my book and release the music, but I’m not sure how I’ll pay for all the legal and logistical steps on the way. I need a way to pay for it all, and I’ve felt stuck on that aspect.
Perhaps, my small step involves letting go of the judgment and embracing whatever Life or God has in store for me. A part of me wants to just chuck it all and start fresh. Another truly wants to see this through. I don’t want to miss out on what’s on the other side of the bend because I was too busy looking at last year’s map to look up and see the detour.
Heck, maybe THIS is the detour.
Either way, I keep praying and opening myself to the next big step. And that involves sending this comment so I can go do my yoga. Doing all I can to make it in time to a burning bowl ceremony (for releasing what no longer serves). Wrapping up my exit from an online platform where I’ve composed and sold my music so I can have more control over how I create and sell what I create.
My apologies for my rambling reply. I haven’t meditated yet. Thanks again for posting! S
I feel you. You've got this Steph. I believe in you.
Sometimes you gotta ramble a bit 🫶